I Remember those Bats in the Belfry

Written for a personal website in 1996

Quite an eventful day, really. What with all of the tornadoes all around, I don’t expect to sleep tonight. Bad weather has always terrified me. Once, when I was little, I moved all of my “personal belongings” (which consisted of my journal, photo albums and guinea pigs) to the basement of our house because there was a tornado watch for our county. Another time, not so far in my distant past, I stayed on the phone all night, long distance, talking to a friend because of tornado watches/warnings in my area. That time, I had moved myself, my cat, pillows, a portable radio, flashlight and a cordless phone into the bathroom. I was talking to her from the bathtub.

So, as it’s 1AM and I’m writing this, I anticipate staying awake most of the night.

To add to the excitement of my everyday life, I somehow wound up with a bat in my apartment. The little creature was flapping around my kitchen and kept hiding when I tried to swat at him. After I gave up, he waited a good while before venturing out into the kitchen again. I was armed and ready with my cardboard bat. I chased him around the small room, swatting. After one good hit, he collapsed onto my stove. I slapped him onto the ground and swept the little jerk out the back door. Something for Crazy to encounter in the morning.

And speaking of Crazy…

I took the dog out for the final potty of the night and Crazy was, yet again, anxiously awaiting my return. I heard that all to familiar creak of her door as I went inside my apartment. She then proceeded to lecture me about doggie rearing (I wonder if this woman has ever owned a pet?), instructing that I shouldn’t yell at the dog. I made sure that the lunatic understood that my shouts were not directed at the dog but at the bat in my apartment.

“A bat? Well, you’ll just have to get used to bats. We have a lot of bats around here. That’s just something you’ll have to learn to deal with.” Deal with bats? I don’t think so. I think my look of contempt let her know that bats and other pests were not on my regular agenda.

“Mrs. Adams, perhaps bats are something to which you’re accustomed. Where I come from, however, bats are not part of my every day life. I apologize for waking you up but I can assure you that the next time there is any such animal in my presence, I might scream at it (after all, it IS blind) so as to scare it out of my house.”

Actually, that was the completed thought. She never let me get that far. I was busy talking while she was trying to interrupt me. I reached “apologize” and she laid into me again about the dog, threatening to call the humane society.

Call the humane society?

“Tell you what, Mrs. Adams, you go right ahead and call.”

“I also told out landlord that we didn’t want a dog in this apartment building. The other lady downstairs doesn’t stay here anymore because she doesn’t want to deal with any dogs…” and on she went. I was being generous with my periods - there were no pauses in her tirade.

When she was done yapping (or not…), I simply gave her a blank stare and shut the door. Apologies were of no value to her. Evidently, all she wanted to do was chew someone out. Her kids are probably far away and she was feeling the itch. There I was…

NOTE: I no longer harbor any fear whatsoever of thunderstorms or tornadoes.