The Best Revenge

15 years ago

I’d just got done reading a magazine article about the revenge that some women take on ex-boyfriends/ex-husbands.  One of these women had made a pornographic video while dating her boyfriend.  After they parted ways, she sent it to his new wife with a note saying that she was his mistress.  Another one took one from every pair of her ex’s shoes and threw them in the dumpster - leaving him without a single pair of shoes for work the next day.  Still another put Nair in an ex’s shampoo bottle.

The most shocking thing I ever did during or after a relationship was call an ex in a drunken stupor and profess my imaginary love for him. Compared to the women in that article, I am, at worst, a little overzealous.

I can understand wanting revenge.  You’ve been hurt and it’s his fault.  Of course.  It’s never your fault.  But why cost someone a fortune or attempt to destroy his life over a simple heartache? 

Heartache’s cheap.  Everyone’s heart is broken at one point or another.   Why is that cause for such drama?  I found the women in the article to be completely deranged while the writer seemed to be commending them on their creativity.

A recent ex and I were muttering about seeing one another again. He was remarkably self-serving and we had little in common.  For some reason, though, I was intrigued by his advances and willing to get together.
 
After I made arrangements to visit him, which meant driving 400 miles, he changed his mind.  He said he wouldn’t be able to explain his sudden plans to what he referred to as “a friend of his” (the woman he was seeing).

I didn’t scream. I didn’t yell. I didn’t plan out how I was going to ruin his life despite the fact that I had his social security number at my fingertips. I simply waited.

A few weeks later, his inevitable call came and our conversation went as follows:

“Hello?” I said.
“Hi.”
“Hi.”
“How’s it going?” He asks.
“Fine.” Monotone.
“What are you doing?”
“Watching a movie.”
“Oh.” Pause. “Do you want me to let you go?”
“Probably.”
“Oh.” Pause. “Okay.  Uh… I’m moving… do you want my new number?”
“Not especially.”
“Oh.” Pause. “Okay!” Quick recovery. “I guess I’ll talk to ya later!” All smiles.
“Okay, Bye.”
“Bye.”

I think I got more satisfaction out of those two words (”not especially”) than I had in the year and a half relationship that didn’t want to end. Much more than I would ever have gotten by calling his utility companies and canceling the connection of his new services.  Or by sending his new lady a note telling her of his scheme to see me.

People who spend so much time plotting and scheming dramatic revenge are only subjecting themselves to ridicule and disappointment. What people would hope will result in a broken relationship and ruined life will most likely be explained simply by: “Well… she’s just nuts. And obviously still in love with me. Don’t pay any attention to it.”

So you tell me, which would you rather do?  Enjoy the satisfaction of showing someone you just don’t care anymore – and meaning it - or satisfying your ex-lover with the confirmation that you always will?