Sister Satan (Part II)

“I’ll give you a quarter if you go stand at the end of the driveway naked.”

We were in the dining room one Saturday afternoon.  I was facing the wall covered in those black-mirrored tiles that had gold paint splattered around.  Very 1972.  I could see myself in the mirror.  I watched myself, picturing my naked body, then looked at her in the mirror.  She was at least a foot taller and twice my weight with her long blonde ass-length perfect Barbie hair.

“No.”  I wasn’t going to get naked for her or anyone.  Mind you, this was thirty years ago.  Now the public doesn’t realize how lucky it is that clothing is legally required of someone like me.

“Oh, come on!  It’ll be fun!  Just go stand out there for thirty minutes.”  My sister smiled one of her fang smiles.  My brother was lurking in the background.

“No!  Leave me alone!”  I was beginning to panic.  I scooted from the dining room to the foyer, prepared to flee to my bedroom and lock the door.

“Okay, you only have to do it for fifteen minutes.”

“Leave her alone.”  When my brother said this, she glared at him.  She had to know he’d tell mom and dad if she went too far.  And this genius of malevolence had a very keen sense how far was too far.

“Fine.” Rolling her eyes.  “You can wear your underwear, but you have to take your shirt off.  It’s no big deal.  Just stand there for a little bit.”

“NO!”  I screamed.  I don’t remember what happened after that, but I’m pretty sure there was some running, grabbing, and pinching involved.

“Get undressed.  I’m going to give you a quarter and you can buy a stuffed animal.  You don’t have boobs yet, so it’s not a big deal.”  Her claws were digging into my legs as I tried to escape up the stairs to my room.  Kicking was useless.

I had a decision to make.  I could either get undressed, stand in the driveway, and live.  Or, I could struggle against The Devil, lose, and die.

Five minutes later, I was standing naked-ish at the end of the driveway smiling while our neighbors drove by and gawked.  I’m sure this just confirmed any doubts they might have had about adopting me.   If I wasn’t hiding behind my father’s legs or eating onion grass, I was getting naked for them and smiling about it.

I never got the quarter.

I’m pretty sure if she’d used that creative energy for good instead of evil, she’d have turned into one of those freak genius musicians who played in an orchestra by age eight and composed a symphony before puberty.  Her innovation was endless and her aptitude for mind games astonishingly advanced.  It’s a shame she didn’t pursue a career in the military.